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# Brentwood Psychotherapist Dr. Bill Cloke

Psychotherapy in Brentwood, West Los Angeles

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://billcloke.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [Blog](https://billcloke.com/blog/)
- [Who Becomes the Hero and Who Becomes the Coward?](https://billcloke.com/altruism/who-becomes-the-hero-and-who-becomes-the-coward/) - The hero is not the person who is fearless. The hero is the person who knows the risk and moves forward anyway. This week I witnessed something that struck me as genuinely heroic. Veteran journalist Scott Pelley stood before executives at CBS and publicly challenged what he believed had happened to one of the most
- [What I've Learned from The Fire](https://billcloke.com/therapy/what-ive-learned-from-the-fire/) - “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.” Helen Keller Last night, after Thanksgiving dinner at my daughter's house, my wife showed me a picture of last year's Thanksgiving at our home in Palisades Highlands. The photo illuminated our round granite table, and the cobalt blue and gold heirloom dishes her mother kindly gave
- [3 Important Tips to Remember to Avoid Holiday Family Drama](https://billcloke.com/anxiety/three-tips-to-remember-during-the-holidays/) - To keep our sanity and avoid holiday family drama, here are three easy tips to remember during the holidays.
- [How Cell Phones and AI are Taking Over Our Brains & Our Lives](https://billcloke.com/psychology/how-cell-phones-and-ai-are-taking-over-our-brains-our-lives/) - So, I’m at the gym. It’s supposed to be a sanctuary—a place to reconnect with my physical self, to sweat, to reflect, maybe even chat a bit. But all around me, people sit on workout machines, heads bowed, eyes glazed, fingers scrolling endlessly. It’s like watching a slow-motion zombie film. The gym used to be
- [How to Make Love Last: The Quiet Work of Staying Connected](https://billcloke.com/couples/how-to-make-love-last-the-quiet-work-of-staying-connected/) - "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other" — Audrey Hepburn When we talk about making relationships last, we’re really asking a deeper question—how do we help love endure? It's not about just staying together under one roof or marking anniversaries on a calendar. It’s about keeping that emotional bond alive through
- [How to Find Sanity in An Insane World](https://billcloke.com/anxiety/how-to-find-sanity-in-an-insane-world/) - 2025 has been quite a year and we are only halfway through it. We lost our home in the Palisades fires and then the whole world caught fire. Wars in Ukraine, Gaza, Iran, and Israel, mass shootings and our president is pressing his authority like never before. There seems to be nowhere to turn in
- [Riding the WAVE: A Real Path to Conflict Resolution](https://billcloke.com/therapy/riding-the-wave-a-real-path-to-conflict-resolution/) - Let’s face it—conflict is part of every relationship. No matter how much love there is, sooner or later, disagreements show up at the door. What matters most isn’t whether we argue, but how we handle those moments when emotions run high and words can either build a bridge or burn it down. Over the years,
- [Finding Your Way Through Disaster: A Journey of Loss, Love, and Resilience](https://billcloke.com/psychology/finding-your-way-through-disaster-a-journey-of-loss-love-and-resilience/) - Disaster doesn’t knock before it enters your life—it arrives uninvited, turning everything familiar into something unrecognizable. One moment, you're stepping out the door like you have for years, and the next, life as you know it is gone. That’s exactly what happened to me. It was a typical sunny morning in California. I headed to
- [My Own Worst Enemy](https://billcloke.com/depression/my-own-worst-enemy/) - When I work with couples the central problem lies in the way they treat one another and their inability to communicate or listen to each other. The lack of respect, the harsh words, and the hurtful things they say and do to one another destroy the love and connection that initially brought them together. It starts with what our parents taught us or what they failed to teach us. If we grew up in a home that was neglectful, violent, hateful, racist, or exclusive, it’s more than likely we will become a person who reflects those qualities. And if there were no other viable alternatives to that wounding environment in our young lives, we would naturally develop a deeply negative inner life. We identify with what we experience. If our experience lacks heart, so will we.
- [The Trouble Within](https://billcloke.com/psychology/the-trouble-within/) - "Everywhere You Go There You Are" Jon Kabat-Zinn In my last blog about "My Own Worst Enemy," I spoke about self-attack and the lack of compassion, understanding, respect, and empathy. I described a patient of mine who believed that he was behind where he should be in life and therefore, he will never be able
- [We All Live in a Yellow Submarine](https://billcloke.com/therapy/we-all-live-in-a-yellow-submarine/) - In doing couple therapy for forty years and married for thirty-two, I have learned much about creating and maintaining a loving relationship. Funnily enough, putting all the pieces together took a long time. Relationships are not superficial; they are incredibly complex.
- [When Choosing a Life Partner](https://billcloke.com/conflict-resolution/when-choosing-a-life-partner/) - For relationships to work, they must be respectful and involve acknowledgment and empathy. Each person must be able to listen and hear the other without necessarily agreeing but understanding their point of view, no matter how farfetched it may seem.
- [How Valentine’s Day Can Ruin Your Relationship](https://billcloke.com/couples/how-valentines-day-can-ruin-your-relationship/) - For Valentine’s Day, it is not about the gifts we buy, but how we treat one another that will save our experiences on Feb. 14th -and our relationships.
- [Getting to OK](https://billcloke.com/therapy/getting-to-ok/) - We can describe OK as contentment, inner peace, being comfortable with ourselves, non-critical and non-judgmental. What we inevitably come to is getting to OK is in actuality an inside job. Here’s a realistic expectation, we can get to OK. OK is good, it’s achievable but also not easy.
- [The Violence of The Beauty Imperative](https://billcloke.com/happiness/the-violence-of-the-beauty-imperative/) - This idea of trying to fix ourselves with something on the outside like our face, body, and or what other people see, simply can’t be done. Violence toward the self can take many forms. The act of rejecting your inner self in favor of physical attraction, wealth, or numbing ourselves is, in the end, an exercise in futility.
- [The 4 Secrets To A Healthy Relationship](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-4-secrets-to-a-healthy-relationship/) - The other night I was sitting watching a show with my wife. She was talking about a program and mentioned it several times. I started to flinch. In a level tone (because now I know now that raising my voice would start a fight) I said “OK, I’ve got it.” She fired back, “Why do
- [How To Be Happy During The Holidays](https://billcloke.com/anxiety/how-to-be-happy-during-the-holidays/) - We already know something about expectations. But what about staying happy during a happy time? Not so easy when it comes to gift giving or tight budgets or whether we can give anything at all to those we love. Family members are either around or not and either one may be stressful. Here is where
- [Boo Hoo, I Got Ghosted](https://billcloke.com/couples/boo-hoo-i-got-ghosted/) - One day I’m in my office doing my thing waiting for a patient to call or come in. After about ten minutes I checked in. Are we on for today? Text comes back, “Oh sorry I got caught up, will call at 1:15.” Ok, I write back. Nothing. I send a question mark only. Nothing.
- [How to Deal With Difficult People](https://billcloke.com/anger/how-to-deal-with-difficult-people/) - When we feel wronged by difficult people, instead of focusing on what is being done to us, try looking at the situation from a broader perspective and consider what we are doing to them.
- [Old Age Only Happens to Other People](https://billcloke.com/happiness/old-age-only-happens-to-other-people/) - “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain“Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.” –James Thurber“Old age and the passage of time teach all things." –Sophocles The anthem of the 1960’s was “Live hard and die young.”. The notion at the time was
- [Man In The Mirror: How Empathy Creates Insight](https://billcloke.com/psychology/man-in-the-mirror-how-empathy-creates-insight/) - Empathy is about seeing someone from behind their eyes, walking in their shoes and allowing ourselves to look into the window to their soul, but it also provides tremendous insight
- [Rebuild Trust in a Relationship After It’s Broken](https://billcloke.com/couples/5-ways-to-rebuild-trust-after-its-broken/) - “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” — Friedrich Nietzsche Laurie and Frank were high school sweethearts. They married young because Laurie became pregnant and, being Catholic, any other choice was out of the question, so he decided to do the right thing. It
- [Is Criticism Ever Constructive?](https://billcloke.com/anger/is-criticism-ever-constructive/) - Is Criticism Ever Constructive?
- [Love at First Sight](https://billcloke.com/couples/love-at-first-sight/) - Love after the initial blast off is a creation. We fashion love through first-rate conflict resolution skills, communication, laughter, sex and affection.
- [How To Live In A Polar Opposite World](https://billcloke.com/conflict-resolution/how-to-live-in-a-polar-opposite-world/) - How To Live In A Polar Opposite World
- [Our World Has Changed, Or Has it?](https://billcloke.com/altruism/our-world-has-changed-or-has-it/) - John F. Kennedy uttered the now famous words during his inaugural address “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.” At the time (it was 1961) it hit me like a thunderbolt and many of my generation joined the crusade. I wanted a better life for
- [The Happiness Mystique - How The Search For Happiness Can Make Us Miserable](https://billcloke.com/psychology/the-happiness-mystique-how-the-search-for-happiness-can-make-us-miserable/) - To try to be happy is an exercise in futility. Finding happiness is probably more akin to training our focus on something outside of ourselves that is fun, exciting or creative. The secret to happiness then lies out in the world. Although we do need to clear away our pain and misery first before we can be happy.
- [MeToo: Why Women Didn't Come Forward Sooner](https://billcloke.com/individual-therapy/metoo-why-women-didnt-come-forward-sooner/) - So what took them so long for Woman to speak out? Fear and intimidation is not the only culprit in this collision of morality and entitlement but another more insidious evil- shame.
- [Fighting With Your Partner? Here Are Some Tips To Diffuse The Situation](https://billcloke.com/conflict-resolution/fighting-with-your-partner-here-are-some-tips-to-diffuse-the-situation/) - Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out, “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t
- [4 Love Lessons from My No-Nonsense Feline](https://billcloke.com/psychology/4-love-lessons-from-my-no-nonsense-feline/) - Animals remind us of what is most important to our being. Spirituality is all about being in harmony with nature, and knowing that the animal and natural kingdom has a lot to teach us about love and the pace of things.
- [How Do You Know If You Have A True Friend?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/how-do-you-know-if-you-have-a-true-friend/) - Friendships require the quality of character that enables us to be the kind of person who is a good friend and our relationships with others and choosing good friends is what a good life is about.
- [The Art of Conflict](https://billcloke.com/conflict-resolution/the-art-of-conflict/) - The most important character of change is the willingness to look in the mirror. It's easy to blame and hard to look at ourselves. But if we don't we can't grow or have a mature relationship. The first act of maturity is self-reflection.
- [Love and Tyranny](https://billcloke.com/anger/love-and-tyranny/) - How then do couples overcome the tyranny of anger and abuse so they can feel safe to tell the truth and connect? It's of course never easy because the roots of anger and frustration go way back and they are habits learned in our family of origin.
- [What is Transformation?](https://billcloke.com/identity/what-is-transformation/) - Transformation is not about what happens to us but what we make of it. Inevitably, we must decide what we want our lives to be about apart from everything we have known.
- [How to Make Marriage Last](https://billcloke.com/couples/how-to-make-marriage-last/) - With so many marriages going up in flames many people are turned off by the whole idea of it. How can it last for a lifetime? What makes some marriages last and yet others fall apart at the seams? Many of the marriages that do last are nothing to write home about, so why do
- [Success and Failure](https://billcloke.com/psychology/success-and-failure/) - Of all the issues we must face in the world failure is the most limiting. Self criticism holds us back. If we are afraid to fail we can't function, we will procrastinate. At the heart of procrastination is self criticism and low self esteem. Getting rid of success and failure thinking is the most liberating thing we can do.
- [In Praise Of Altruism](https://billcloke.com/altruism/in-praise-of-altruism/) - Altruism is a benevolent state of mind. To be altruistic is to be concerned about the fate of all those around us and to wish them well. This should be done together with the determination to act for their benefit. Valuing others is the main state of mind that leads to altruism.
- [How to Stay Sane In An Insane World](https://billcloke.com/psychology/how-to-stay-sane-in-an-insane-world/) - Being sane is an activity which requires that we know something about who we are and what kind of a life we want to lead. These times help us to define our lives in new ways can be a transformation.
- [How Love Is Made](https://billcloke.com/love/how-love-is-made/) - Real love is more than passive romantic thoughts and feelings- it is actively made, and we must consciously choose to make it, not just once but throughout our entire lives together.
- [How to Love Dangerously](https://billcloke.com/psychology/how-to-love-dangerously/) - "Only love, only long empathy and identification and compassion can root another person in their heart so deeply there's no escaping your hatred of her, not ever; especially not when the thing you hate most about her is your capacity to be hurt by her." -Jonathan Franzen from his book Purity "If fear is the
- [Can We Choose Our Lives or Are We Dyed in The Wool?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/can-we-choose-our-lives-or-are-we-dyed-in-the-wool/) - My friend Brett shot me an email and suggested lunch. Of course I jumped at the chance as we've been friends for several years and we always have a great time joking and talking about everything under sun. We frequently bring up stories about our lives to embellish whatever subject we are talking about. As
- [How to Save Your Relationship](https://billcloke.com/psychology/how-to-save-your-relationship/) - Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t
- [Just How Important Is Sex, Really?](https://billcloke.com/couples/just-how-important-is-sex-really/) - I don’t have to tell you that sex is everywhere: in films, on television and in any other venue advertisers can lay their hands on. The blaring message: sex is not only important but absolutely necessary and if you aren’t having it, there’s something wrong with you (which isn’t true, so don’t worry). But from
- [10 ‘IFs’ for a Happy, Loving Relationship](https://billcloke.com/couples/10-ifs-for-a-happy-loving-relationship/) - If you can hold in mind your love for each other and keep that before you at times of great difficulty and in all situations… If you can make being right less important than being connected, and instead work toward harmony and grace… If you can keep your head while everything in you screams for
- [The #1 Thing Couples Fight About](https://billcloke.com/psychology/the-1-thing-couples-fight-about/) - I opened my Facebook page the other day and a scrolled down to find a video from the Anderson Cooper show, Anderson, featuring the renowned couples therapist Dr. John Gottman, who wrote the best seller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. In the clip, various couples illustrate examples of some of his principles, like
- [The Truth about Porn and Relationships](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-truth-about-porn-and-relationships/) - How to recognize and treat porn addiction before it destroys your relationship.
- [Breaking the Chain of Shame and Quieting The Voice That Says You Suck](https://billcloke.com/psychology/breaking-the-chain-of-shame/) - A way to understand how guilt and shame operate together is this: We do bad things and we do them because we are bad. Guilt is the bad thing we did and shame is the belief that we are fundamentally and essentially inadequate, worthless, weak or bad.
- [When Do We Know That It's Over?](https://billcloke.com/therapy/when-do-we-know-that-its-over/) - Relationships start out with such promise. Everything seems so perfect. The way they look, speak, smile and the newness of it all is so sweet. Then over time the power of the beginning attraction begins to fade like the sun setting on the blush of a rose. First there are those disappointments, he forgets your birthday, she
- [20 Relationship Rules](https://billcloke.com/love/20-relationship-rules/) - There are some general rules for relationship health that if you follow them your happiness level should improve tremendously.
- [5 Things Couples Should Never Do](https://billcloke.com/anger/5-things-couples-should-never-do/) - “Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” –Sam Keen “So then, the relationship of self to other is the complete realization that loving yourself is impossible without loving everything defined as other than yourself.” –Alan Watts Jake and Katie were in a somber mood when they arrived for their first
- [How to Work Out Negative Emotions with Your Mate](https://billcloke.com/couples/7-ways-to-work-out-negative-emotions-with-your-mate/) - Negative thinking is a normal part of all relationships, but it’s what we do with it that matters.
- [Ways to Administer Relationship First Aid](https://billcloke.com/couples/6-ways-to-administer-relationship-first-aid/) - Jeri-Ann and Chas were having breakfast at their favorite restaurant on the beach one Sunday morning when an incident triggered a series of nuclear reactions. All those emotional neutrons and protons smacking up against each other set off a chain reaction that seemed to come out of nowhere. Jeri-Ann caught Chas in a white lie.
- [4 Things I Have Changed for My Wife](https://billcloke.com/marriage/4-things-i-have-changed-for-my-wife/) - Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
- [Can a Good Fight Save Your Relationship?](https://billcloke.com/couples/can-a-good-fight-save-your-relationship/) - Let’s face it – most serious relationship problems occur because people just don’t know how to fight fair. They take the gloves off or walk away when the going gets tough.
- [Some Reflection](https://billcloke.com/conflict-resolution/some-reflection/) - As we know, relationships do not always run smoothly. While there are many factors that influence our thinking, feelings, and attitudes, communication and understanding are key to resolving conflict.
- [The Five Essentials for a Happy Relationship](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-five-essentials-for-a-happy-relationship/) - Healthy interactions require that you come at them from a neutral or positive place. If you take the time to cool off and think about it, you will have a much better chance of working the problem through. Compromise, consideration, kindness and remembering that this is the person we love allows us to move toward a solution.
- [Male Menopause or Mid-Life Crisis, You Be the Judge](https://billcloke.com/psychology/male-menopause-or-mid-life-crisis-you-be-the-judge/) - "Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64" laments the Beatles song. When I was young no one in our generation wanted to live past thirty, it was considered to be too old. Now we watch a 71 year old Mick Jagger prance and leap like he's a youngster as
- [What is This Thing We Call a True Friend?](https://billcloke.com/friendship/what-is-this-thing-we-call-a-true-friend/) - “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” Jim Morrison We tune into a commercial and a group of “friends” are laughing and high fiving each other. Yes, it’s another football Sunday and a beer commercial is touting this jovial group, having fun together with some tasty Buds. It’s the classic
- [What We Know About Trauma](https://billcloke.com/treatment/what-we-know-about-trauma/) - In some way or another most of what we do in psychotherapy is related to some form of trauma. Most anxiety, panic, depression, and personality disorders are trauma related. We seem to feel that trauma survivors are an exceptional group of people who have wittingly or unwittingly exposed to some awful and super traumatizing events
- [You Say Potato and I Say Potahto - How Can We See the Same Thing So Differently?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/you-say-potato-and-i-say-potahto-how-can-we-see-the-same-thing-so-differently/) - In my work with couples and individuals I encounter people who do not seem to grasp their own sense of reality let alone the point of view of others.
- [How Not to Cheat](https://billcloke.com/couples/how-not-to-cheat/) - Marriage is simply hard work. But the good news is that attitude is everything.
- [Should We Blame The Parents?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/should-we-blame-the-parents/) - Blaming the parents presents a very difficult problem for psychologists and patients. Instead we need to look at the role our caretakers played in our identity formation and how it affected us. Understanding our childhood history not only helps us alleviate self-blame, criticism, depression, anxiety, and violence, but also provides important insights into the workings of our present intimate relationships.
- [How Do Men and Women Approach Problems?](https://billcloke.com/couples/how-do-men-and-women-approach-problems/) - When I am working with couples, the men may talk a lot about wanting to be appreciated and having a partner who can help them; they seem to want loyalty and they want to engage in activities like hiking or biking, or they want women to be at their side on their journey through life
- [Why Men Have Trouble With Intimacy](https://billcloke.com/psychology/why-men-have-trouble-with-intimacy/) - Intimacy is based on being able to fully show ourselves to another person, requiring such a serious commitment to the relationship that each person will experience a sense of dependency on the other. Dependency is a negative concept in our society as men, especially, are taught to strive for independence.
- [The 6 Secrets for Relationship Success](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-6-secrets-for-relationship-success/) - There are many important qualities that successful relationships have, but here are six that will help you work through most conflicts. The trick, however, is to implement these ideas.
- [5 Mind-Bending Benefits of Being Married](https://billcloke.com/dating/5-mind-bending-benefits-of-being-married/) - Dr. Cloke discusses some of the most important benefits of being married
- [The Steely Bitch Called Loss](https://billcloke.com/anger/the-steely-bitch-called-loss/) - When someone dies or is near death we may experience denial, isolation, anger, Some When someone dies or is near death we may experience denial, isolation, anger, bargaining and depression, eventually coming to accept the loss as we will in our own eventual death.
- [3 Things That Kill Sexual Desire](https://billcloke.com/couples/3-things-that-kill-sexual-desire/) - Sexual relationships often hinge on whether couples make time for sex, or whether they can still be romantic. Here are 3 major factors that cause “low libido” based on a recent iVillage national survey with women on what they really think about behind the bedroom’s closed doors.
- [Marriage License or Lease?](https://billcloke.com/marriage/marriage-license-or-lease/) - Marriage requires that we listen to our partner and take what they say seriously. When people refuse to look at what they may be doing to cause a problem the marriage is in trouble. Marriage is only as good as each person's willingness to look at themselves.
- [The Foundation For Love](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-foundation-for-love/) - Here are some basic building blocks for a loving connection—concepts to work with as a couple in your everyday world.
- [Does Anger Have a Place in Love Relationships?](https://billcloke.com/anger/does-anger-have-a-place-in-love-relationships/) - Does anger really have a place in arguments or relationships or is it some primitive vestigial organ like the appendix that we no longer need. Dr. Cloke has an answer.
- [Happy and Fit Podcast](https://billcloke.com/psychology/happy-and-fit-podcast/) - Dr. Bill Cloke sat down with FIT-FACTS Harry Mitterbauer to discuss a global issue that needs to be talked about: Fitness and Mental Health is a fine balance that very few people are lucky enough to have mastered. Many people look great, but do you feel great? Listen to the podcast below for insightful information
- [What Creates Well-Being?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/what-creates-well-being/) - Here are 20 tips to help improve your mental well-being and happiness in life.
- [Negative Capability](https://billcloke.com/psychology/negative-capability/) - If there is no saving us from the difficulties of life, then we need to think more about enjoying the ride and know that in the end what we have spent so much time worrying about doesn’t really matter.
- [Neurosis Is The New Normal](https://billcloke.com/psychology/neurosis-is-the-new-normal/) - The truth is neurosis is about as normal as the common cold. Everyone is neurotic in some way. Neurosis is an umbrella over: worry, anxiety, panic, compulsive behaviors, nervousness or existential angst. So with all this neurosis around us, how do we cope with the new normal?
- [The Art of Decoding Moods](https://billcloke.com/psychology/the-art-of-decoding-moods/) - Working through moods allows us to get back to an even emotional state as opposed to a gloomy and depressed state. Here are some ideas on how to work through moods
- [How to Break Your Anxiety Habit?](https://billcloke.com/anxiety/how-to-break-your-anxiety-habit/) - We all know or may have even experienced anxiety. The feeling before we give a speech or recital, asking someone out who we want to want us, going to the doctor or dentist. It feels like Godzilla is just around the corner and all we can hear are the thud of footsteps coming our way.
- [Is True Happiness a Myth?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/is-true-happiness-a-myth/) - The eternal question, what is happiness and where does it come from? Like the fountain of youth, we all seek it but what is it? Simple happiness is actually very complex.
- [Big Expectations Big Disappointment](https://billcloke.com/anxiety/big-expectations-big-disappointment/) - The downside of expectation is disappointment. Unrealistic expectations are idealized or fantasy versions of real life. Disappointment is our reaction to the difference between our fantasy and reality. When we can’t meet these expectations, we feel like a failure.
- [Why are we so antagonistic to ourselves and those we live with?](https://billcloke.com/anger/why-are-we-so-antagonistic-to-ourselves-and-those-we-live-with/) - We certainly can make a case for aggression is the result of our American culture that puts so much pressure on us to compete and succeed. It would seem logical that the stress of modern life would bring out a more aggressive side to our personalities.
- [Pulling Back The Curtain](https://billcloke.com/psychology/pulling-back-the-curtain/) - Marriages, friendships, and relationships, in general, are filled with casual conversation, hidden agendas and the longing to be known and accepted.
- [What's Right About Being Wrong?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/whats-right-about-being-wrong/) - From working with couple's for over 30 years some disturbing trends have evolved that appear like a train wreck in the making. When couples go off the rails being right by one or both partner is usually somewhere in the mix. Being right is a roadblock, it cuts off communication and causes the process to
- [Reality Bites – Moving from an Altered State to Our True Nature](https://billcloke.com/psychology/reality-bites-moving-from-an-altered-state-to-our-true-nature/) - Moving from an Altered State to a Natural State takes understanding, compassion and deep empathy. Finding our true self requires a learned other, a non-judgmental person who understands why and how these things happen and can help define the difference.
- [What We Can't See](https://billcloke.com/couples/what-we-cant-see/) - After being married for over 20 years, what seems apparent to me is that it's not so much what we can see about what is going on between us but what we cannot.
- [Transformation vs. Change](https://billcloke.com/identity/transformation-vs-change/) - The difference between transformation and change is that change can come and go but transformation is permanent. Change is the result of behavior but transformation is about identity.
- [What Do Women Want Anyway?](https://billcloke.com/couples/what-do-women-want-anyway/) - What women actually want, it appears, is what they've always wanted so why is it so hard for men to understand?
- [Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married](https://billcloke.com/couples/ten-things-you-need-to-know-before-you-get-married/) - Here are 10 things every couple should talk about BEFORE getting married.
- [The Truth About Monogamy](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-truth-about-monogamy/) - For all of us, whether men or women, the same principles hold true. Being a kind, caring person who is willing to listen and respond is crucial to marriage success. If we are not willing to put in the effort to make things better and workable then a monogamous marriage may not be for you.
- [Why Do Men Cheat?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/why-do-men-cheat/) - Biology explains why men stray, but reason and affection hold the keys to happy, monogamous marriages between women and men.
- [Who Owns up Anymore?](https://billcloke.com/psychology/who-owns-up-anymore/) - It’s more and more difficult to know what is true. On a micro level, in relationships, not telling the truth can be totally devastating to the building of trust between partners. The ability to come clean and reflect upon our behavior as a means of being true to our partner but true to ourselves is the goal. The most important value for healthy relationships is to be true to ourselves and be truthful with those around us.
- [How Conflict Can Create Love](https://billcloke.com/anger/how-conflict-can-create-love/) - All couples experience conflict—but conflict can either break their connection or be the basis for deeper intimacy
- [The Importance of Intimacy in a Relationship](https://billcloke.com/couples/the-importance-of-intimacy-in-a-relationship/) - The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible

## Pages

- [Home](https://billcloke.com/) - Over 30 years of experience as a licensed psychotherapist and marriage & family therapist in Los Angeles successfully treating individuals + couples with a wide range of behavioral & emotional issues.
- [Media & Press](https://billcloke.com/media-press/) - PUBLICATIONS / BOOKS Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy Love-Making from the Inside Out: A New Approach to Creating and Maintaining a Relationship The Good Men Project (Blog) Relationships are Complicated Interview with Dr. William Cloke (RelationshipsareComplicated.com) Practicing tolerance is one key to a healthy relationship (OC Register Newspaper) Shack up,
- [Why Psychotherapy?](https://billcloke.com/why-psychotherapy/) - A central theme of psychotherapy is to relieve emotional and psychic pain and eliminate negative thinking. Removing pain is at the core of all psychotherapeutic work. Another element of psychotherapy is to learn how to create and maintain healthy relationships.
- [About Bill](https://billcloke.com/about-dr-bill/) - (310) 440-0156 bill@billcloke.com Dr. Bill Cloke Expert in Psychotherapy Treatment When I entered college my curiosity lead me to choose a major in anthropology. I was attracted to the field because it was concerned with the study of mankind. I was intrigued by the way culture affected behavior and the striking similarities between people. As
- [Contact Bill](https://billcloke.com/contact/) - Directions to Los Angeles Psychotherapist Dr. Bill Cloke's West LA Therapy Office in Brentwood.
- [Online Psychotherapy Sessions](https://billcloke.com/online-psychotherapy/) - Dr. Bill Cloke is available to meet with clients in either his Century City office, or for online therapy via Skype™ online video chat.
- [Intake Form](https://billcloke.com/psychotherapy-intake-form/) - Notice: JavaScript is required for this content. To expedite our appointment time, you can now fill out forms online. Alternatively, you can DOWNLOAD, print, sign, scan/photo, and email back to me. Please contact me with any questions. PDF of form also available to download. Please fill out and email Bill@billcloke.com. Download Form
- [Office Policy Form](https://billcloke.com/office-policy-form/) - Notice: JavaScript is required for this content. To expedite our appointment time, you can now fill out forms online. Alternatively, you can DOWNLOAD, print, sign, scan/photo, and email back to me. Please contact me with any questions. PDF of form also available to download. Please fill out and email Bill@billcloke.com. Download Form
- [Psych Services List](https://billcloke.com/writing-samples/) - List of Psychotherapist Services
- [Blog Articles](https://billcloke.com/blog-without-sidebar/) - March 1, 2014 By: Dr. Bill Cloke Couples, Marriage, Relationships 0 Comments Can a Good Fight Save Your Relationship? With all the ups and downs in life, even the best relationships knock heads once in a while. Cyber talk is streaming a pop culture belief that long term relationships are just not viable. In this shifting climate,
- [Services](https://billcloke.com/all-services/) - My Services With over 30 years experience as a licensed psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, I have had success treating individuals and couples with a wide range of behavioral and emotional issues. Below are the most common services linked with insightful information. Please contact me with any questions or other issues
- [Self Esteem](https://billcloke.com/all-services/self-esteem/) - Self Esteem The most important relationship we will ever have in our lives is the one we have with ourselves. We live 24-7 in our bodies and we are so often at odds with what is inside. We dislike, think little of, berate, cajole, swear at, hold ourselves up to rigid standards and all within
- [Rage, Shame Issues](https://billcloke.com/all-services/rage-shame-issues/) - Rage, Shame, and the Death of Love CHAPTER LINKS Introduction Shame Development Rage vs. Anger Envy Guilt vs. Shame Empathy and Bonding Idealization and Devaluation Summary Concealed deep within the human psyche lies an enduring world, a kingdom which exists and yet is separate from our awareness.
- [Procrastination](https://billcloke.com/all-services/procrastination/) - Procrastination...The tip of the Iceberg Procrastination is the putting off or avoidance of an activity or task that requires completion, by focusing on some other activity or task. For the person procrastinating this may result in stress, guilt, loss of productivity, creation of crisis, and the consternation of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or
- [Depression](https://billcloke.com/all-services/depression/) - Depression – The disorder that causes itself. If you feel down most of the time, most of every day, if you feel worthless, guilty, shamed, experience concentration problems, or nothing feels pleasurable, or have ideas of death or suicide you are probably suffering from depression. The most common symptoms of depression are sadness, a down
- [Couples Therapy](https://billcloke.com/all-services/couples-therapy/) - Couples Therapy - Improve your communication skills From my experience, working with couples, some consistent themes seem to run through the work. This outline includes touch points that continually ring true. This simple guide will hopefully stimulate better communication and be used to direct you toward more positive discussions. Please also take a moment to
- [Conflict Resolution](https://billcloke.com/all-services/conflict-resolution/) - Conflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships Generally speaking, we all experience some form of conflict. Whether at home, in the workplace, between friends, or even with your self. In relationships, conflict is the natural result of our different likes and dislikes, our particular sensitivities, our perceived slights, and our emotional wounds—in short, of our being two diverse
- [Anxiety](https://billcloke.com/all-services/anxiety/) - Anxiety Anxiety can be defined as the misapprehension of a future event that is considered to be fearful. Anxiety may be described as the body’s response to the possibility of a 600 pound gorilla coming around the corner. Even though there is no gorilla the anticipation of something bad happening will trigger an anxiety. This
- [Anxiety Disorder](https://billcloke.com/anxiety-disorder/) - Couple Therapy But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids
- [Anger Management](https://billcloke.com/all-services/anger-management/) - Anger Management Everyone gets angry, but not everyone knows how to manage it. The ability to process our emotional states, to know where they are coming from, what they mean and then take the appropriate action is the key to managing anger. It is not that we get angry it is how we get angry
- [Goals of Psychotherapy](https://billcloke.com/goals-of-psychotherapy/) - What are the Goals of Psychotherapy ?
- [What it takes.. to Love](https://billcloke.com/what-it-takes-to-love/) - What it takes If you can hold in mind your love for each other and keep that before you at times of great difficulty and in all situations If you can make being right less important than being connected and instead work toward harmony and grace If you can keep your head while everything in
- [Couple Therapy](https://billcloke.com/couple-therapy/) - Couple Therapy But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids
- [Depression Therapy](https://billcloke.com/depression-therapy/) - Depression Therapy But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids
- [Contact Us](https://billcloke.com/contact-us/) - Please drop us a message for any query Survival strategies to ensure proactive domination going forward, a new normal that has evolved from generation Δ Address:52A, Tailstoi Town 5238 La city, IA 87929 Phone:1800 456 7890 +91 8576 985 9874 email:info@mindron.com
- [Testimonials](https://billcloke.com/testimonials/) - Success stories of our patients Thousands of people get benefit Robert Joe I am more than satified with doctor. Osed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui rati one voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia… Robert Joe I am more than satified with doctor. Osed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui
- [Gallery](https://billcloke.com/gallery/)
- [Faqs](https://billcloke.com/faqs/) - Frequently Asked Questions Survival strategies to ensure proactive domination going forward. Bring to the table win-win survival strategies. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei… Runway heading towards a streamlined Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei… Capitalize on
- [Publications](https://billcloke.com/media-press/publications/) - The Foundation For Love- building blocks for a loving connection (eRelationship Advice Cafe.com) Practicing tolerance is one key to a healthy relationship (OC Register Newspaper) Shack up, hook up and other new, surprising love rules (Article Featured on the Today Show & MSNBC.com) Greater Intimacy Through Conflict ( Featured in Examiner.com Article) When Your Sex Drive Is Stuck in Neutral (COSMO
- [Audio](https://billcloke.com/media-press/audio/) - Commitment and Intimacy in Relationships Radio Interview "Happy Together" Book Interview on Inside Personal Growth Valentine's Day Interview Broadcast on Mom Enough.com Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio Show with Lisa Cypres Kaymen Happily Ever After Podcast with Michelle E. Vásquez Is there such a thing as constructive criticism? Dr. Stan Frager Radio Show "Happy Together" Book
- [Video](https://billcloke.com/media-press/video/) - Why Romantic Relationships Stink & What You Can Do About It, Lecture UC Irvine Relationship tips & advice on the Sacramento & Company Morning TV Show "Happy Together" Book Interview San Diego Living Talk Show Studio 4 TV Interview with Fanny Kiefer Part 1 Studio 4 TV Interview with Fanny Kiefer Part 2
- [Blog](https://billcloke.com/blog-2/)
- [Meet Bill](https://billcloke.com/meet-bill/) - I cannot remember a time when I was not curious about people… When I entered college my curiosity lead me to choose a major in anthropology. I was attracted to the field because it was concerned with the study of mankind. I was intrigued by the way culture affected behavior and the striking similarities between people.

## Services

- [Self-Esteem Therapy](https://billcloke.com/services/individual-coaching/) - The most important relationship we will ever have in our lives is the..
- [Individual Psychotherapy](https://billcloke.com/services/individual-coaching-2/) - The goal of Individual Psychotherapy is to build awareness, compassion, understanding, respect, empathy and acceptance..
- [Couple Counseling](https://billcloke.com/services/couple-therapy-2/) - Couples and Relationship Counseling – Begins with improving your communication skills.
- [Anxiety Disorder](https://billcloke.com/services/anxiety-disorder-2/) - Anxiety - the body’s response to the possibility of a 600 pound gorilla coming around the corner.
- [Depression Therapy](https://billcloke.com/services/depression-therapy-2/) - Feeling Depressed? Get help with Depression Therapy - The disorder that causes itself.
- [Anger Management](https://billcloke.com/services/anger-managment/) - Everyone gets angry, but not everyone knows how to manage it.
- [Conflict Resolution](https://billcloke.com/services/conflict-resolution/) - Conflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships.
- [Shame Issues](https://billcloke.com/services/shame-issues/) - Understanding Rage, Shame, and the Death of Love

## Gallerys

- [Gallery Seven](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-seven/)
- [Gallery Eight](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-eight/)
- [Gallery Six](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-six/)
- [Gallery Five](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-five/)
- [Gallery Four](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-four/)
- [Gallery Three](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-three/)
- [Gallery Two](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-two/)
- [Gallery One](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery-one/)
- [Gallery](https://billcloke.com/gallery/gallery/)

## Teams

- [Michale Joe](https://billcloke.com/teams/michale-joe-8/)
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## Testimonials

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## FAQs

- [Close the loop on focusing solely on the bottom.](https://billcloke.com/faqs/close-the-loop-on-focusing-solely-on-the-bottom/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
- [Nanotechnology immersion along the information](https://billcloke.com/faqs/nanotechnology-immersion-along-the-information/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
- [a ballpark value added activity to beta test. Override the digital divide with additional](https://billcloke.com/faqs/a-ballpark-value-added-activity-to-beta-test-override-the-digital-divide-with-additional/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
- [Capitalize on low hanging fruit to identify](https://billcloke.com/faqs/capitalize-on-low-hanging-fruit-to-identify/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
- [User generated content in real-time multiple.](https://billcloke.com/faqs/user-generated-content-in-real-time-multiple/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
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- [Ensure proactive domination. At the end of the day, going forward a new normal.](https://billcloke.com/faqs/ensure-proactive-domination-at-the-end-of-the-day-going-forward-a-new-normal/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.
- [Bring to the table win-win survival strategies.](https://billcloke.com/faqs/bring-to-the-table-win-win-survival-strategies/) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, vix an natum labitur eleifd, mel am laoreet menandri. Ei justo complectitur duo. Ei mundi solet utos soletu possit quo. Sea cu justo laudem. An utinam consulatu eos, est facilis.

## KC Sections

- [Appointment Services](https://billcloke.com/kc-section/appointment-services/) - Book an appointment Our first meeting is a no-cost consultation to determine if we are a good fit. Please send me a brief message and I'll get right back to you. Δ

## Categories

- [Psychology](https://billcloke.com/category/psychology/)
- [Therapy](https://billcloke.com/category/therapy/)
- [Treatment](https://billcloke.com/category/treatment/)
- [Altruism](https://billcloke.com/category/altruism/)
- [Anger](https://billcloke.com/category/anger/)
- [Anxiety](https://billcloke.com/category/anxiety/)
- [Conflict Resolution](https://billcloke.com/category/conflict-resolution/)
- [Couples](https://billcloke.com/category/couples/)
- [Dating](https://billcloke.com/category/dating/)
- [Depression](https://billcloke.com/category/depression/)
- [Divorce](https://billcloke.com/category/divorce/)
- [Family](https://billcloke.com/category/family/)
- [Fear](https://billcloke.com/category/fear/)
- [Friendship](https://billcloke.com/category/friendship/)
- [Grief](https://billcloke.com/category/grief/)
- [Guilt](https://billcloke.com/category/guilt/)
- [Happiness](https://billcloke.com/category/happiness/)
- [identity](https://billcloke.com/category/identity/)
- [Individual Therapy](https://billcloke.com/category/individual-therapy/) - Individual Therapy
- [Love](https://billcloke.com/category/love/)
- [Marriage](https://billcloke.com/category/marriage/)
- [Men](https://billcloke.com/category/men/)
- [People](https://billcloke.com/category/people/)
- [Personal Transformation](https://billcloke.com/category/personal-transformation/)
- [Procrastination](https://billcloke.com/category/procrastination/)
- [Rage](https://billcloke.com/category/rage/)
- [Relationships](https://billcloke.com/category/relationships/)
- [Self](https://billcloke.com/category/self/)
- [Self criticism](https://billcloke.com/category/self-criticism/)
- [Self-Estem](https://billcloke.com/category/self-estem/)
- [Sex](https://billcloke.com/category/sex/)
- [Shame](https://billcloke.com/category/shame/)
- [Stress](https://billcloke.com/category/stress/)
- [Women](https://billcloke.com/category/women/)
- [Trauma](https://billcloke.com/category/trauma/)
- [PTSD](https://billcloke.com/category/ptsd/)
- [Addiction](https://billcloke.com/category/addiction/)
- [Courage](https://billcloke.com/category/courage/)

## Tags

- [Psychology](https://billcloke.com/tag/psychology/)
- [Couples](https://billcloke.com/tag/couples/)
- [Dating](https://billcloke.com/tag/dating/)
- [Marriage](https://billcloke.com/tag/marriage/)
- [Personal Growth](https://billcloke.com/tag/personal-growth/)
- [psychotherapy](https://billcloke.com/tag/psychotherapy/)
- [relationship advice](https://billcloke.com/tag/relationship-advice/)
- [relationships](https://billcloke.com/tag/relationships-2/)

## Category

- [our services](https://billcloke.com/services_category/our-services/)