Let’s face it—conflict is part of every relationship. No matter how much love there is, sooner or later, disagreements show up at the door. What matters most isn’t whether we argue, but how we handle those moments when emotions run high and words can either build a bridge or burn it down. Over the years,
I was married 33 years ago, and they threw shoes and rice. My wife was beautiful, and we were in love. We have made a relationship that has stood the test of time, and we were able to understand our dance and build a healthy, loving future. But we had yet to learn what life would
The other day, a couple comes in, sits down, and they break into a deafening silence. They reminded me of an incident in Maui a lifetime ago, sitting in a little bar named the Maui Belle. It was the middle of the day, and I walked in and sat around a group of sailors. About
“Only connect,” wrote E. M. Forster in Howards End,“and human love will be seen at its height.” Love depends on a couple’s ability to forge and then maintain the precious bond between them. We want to look more closely at ways of creating connection, preserving it through challenging times, and healing breaks when they occur.
From working with couple’s for over 30 years some disturbing trends have evolved that appear like a train wreck in the making. When couples go off the rails being right by one or both partner is usually somewhere in the mix. Being right is a roadblock, it cuts off communication and causes the process to
We fade in on a couple sitting quietly at Sunday morning breakfast. Suddenly, a seemingly innocuous comment swiftly shifts the peaceful mood into prodigious conflict. She: Could you be more careful when you take out the trash? Yesterday you left a total mess. He: (stung) Well, excuse me. I didn’t know I was getting the
Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out, “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t
Is there such a thing as constructive criticism? Not really? Criticism seems more like a punch in the stomach than a helpful hint. Complaints are a different animal altogether. The major difference between a criticism and a complaint is that criticism is a personal attack and a complaint is about who we are. Criticism creates
“One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.” -Plato I remember where I was standing when I casually mentioned the word “Global warming” to my friend and neighbor. What happened next stunned me. I watched in shock and awe when the top of
Ben was nervous as he drove to Sarah’s apartment for their first date. Had he taken care of everything? He made reservations at the nicest restaurant, showered, put on his favorite outfit and was arriving just a few minutes late to give her a bit more time. Sarah was rushing inside her apartment which was