Relationships start out with such promise. Everything seems so perfect. The way they look, speak, smile and the newness of it all is so sweet. Then over time the power of the beginning attraction begins to fade like the sun setting on the blush of a rose. First there are those disappointments, he forgets your birthday, she
“Only connect,” wrote E. M. Forster in Howards End,“and human love will be seen at its height.” Love depends on a couple’s ability to forge and then maintain the precious bond between them. We want to look more closely at ways of creating connection, preserving it through challenging times, and healing breaks when they occur.
“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” -John Lennon Jan and Dave
There are some general rules for relationship health that if you follow them your happiness level should improve tremendously. 1. Compassion, understanding, respect and empathy are essential. Avoid: Criticism or contempt. Also avoid: 2. Blaming or shaming. 3. Defensiveness. 4. Negativity. 5. Stonewalling or turning away. 6. Being the victim or the perp. 7. Fight
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” Jim Morrison We tune into a commercial and a group of “friends” are laughing and high fiving each other. Yes, it’s another football Sunday and a beer commercial is touting this jovial group, having fun together with some tasty Buds. It’s the classic
In some way or another most of what we do in psychotherapy is related to some form of trauma. Most anxiety, panic, depression, and personality disorders are trauma related. We seem to feel that trauma survivors are an exceptional group of people who have wittingly or unwittingly exposed to some awful and super traumatizing events
Marriage is simply hard work. But the good news is that attitude is everything. The Toltec Empire lasted from 300 to 600 BC and included the Pacific Coastal Chiapas and Guatemala, the Yucatan Peninsula, and much of Northern and Western Mexico. They left clay tablets with a message they called “The Four Agreements.” They were:
Ben and Nancy were at home one evening when something happened that shook them up. This was not the first time either. The weekend had gone well, they cooked dinner together, danced, talked, made love and were in excellent spirits as Sunday evening rolled around. Nancy was (in her mind) kidding him in her usual
The problem of blaming the parents remains a very difficult one for psychotherapists and patients because our need to be loyal to our parents naturally leads us to lay the responsibility for our problems on some essential flaw within us. But the fact is that though parents try to do their best, they may not
When I am working with couples, the men may talk a lot about wanting to be appreciated and having a partner who can help them; they seem to want loyalty and they want to engage in activities like hiking or biking, or they want women to be at their side on their journey through life