This idea of trying to fix ourselves with something on the outside like our face, body, and or what other people see, simply can’t be done. Violence toward the self can take many forms such as alcohol abuse, intravenous drugs, tattooing, plastic surgery, cutting, risky behavior, antagonism toward the self, and violence toward others. The act of rejecting your inner self in favor of physical attraction, trappings of wealth, or numbing ourselves is, in the end, an exercise in futility.
Don’t worry be happy goes the phrase. Why not, we covet bliss. Mindfulness, cleansings, wellness groups, groping ceremonies, psychedelics, sports and on it goes. Big question, how are we going to accomplish well-being in a world in crisis, rising crime, difficult relationships, health issues and childcare. The day-to-day grind, loss of loved ones, illness, malaise, and pathos around and within us. So, how does one find happiness in all of this?
The other night I was sitting watching a show with my wife. She was talking about a program and mentioned it several times. I started to flinch. In a level tone (because now I know now that raising my voice would start a fight) I said “OK, I’ve got it.” She fired back, “Why do you have to say it like that.” I didn’t understand, after all I said it in low tone.
One day I’m in my office doing my thing waiting for a patient to call or come in. After about ten minutes I checked in. Are we on for today? Text comes back, “Oh sorry I got caught up, will call at 1:15.” Ok, I write back. Nothing. I send a question mark only. Nothing. That was it. There was also earlier in the day someone just didn’t show or call. Now, I’m not saying this happens a lot, it doesn’t, but right away I start thinking. Did I say something, what was the last session like? I can’t really think of anything. No bad words, no disclaimers, bad looks, comments, nothing that I can remember. What is this? I liked these people. We seemed to have a good working relationship. What is going on?
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” — Friedrich Nietzsche Laurie and Frank were high school sweethearts. They married young because Laurie became pregnant and, being Catholic, any other choice was out of the question, so he decided to do the right thing. It
The anthem of the 1960’s was “Live hard and die young.”. The notion at the time was thirty meant the end. As in all things time has swooshed by and here I am staring at myself in the mirror, and I’m horrified. I got old. It was not supposed to happen, that was for other people, not me. I see young people and they look at me that I did then. There was a line from the Beatles movie and “A Hard Days Night.,” When they describe an older character and a “Clean old man.” They described him as if he were from an alien world. Diverse cultures treat old age differently. In Asia old people are revered. In others it’s simply a passage of time. But in America we are actually and metaphorically pitched into the waist bin of a youth obsessed culture.
Jack took on the job as managing partner for his law firm in Brentwood, California. He formed a Limited Liability Company with his partners because his landlord was jacking up the rents and he wanted to save money on rent. After a few years Jack became increasingly irritated that he could not get his partners more involved or respond in a timely manner to tenant issues that he delegated to them. His need to respond immediately to tenant concerns made him increasingly impulsive about decision making.
“You must change how you react to people before you can change how you interact with them,” says Rick Kirschner, N.D., coauthor of Dealing with People You Can’t Stand. “To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.”– Gichin Funakoshi, father of modern Karate Jacklyn was a legal secretary in a litigation firm. It
Relationships start out with such promise. Everything seems so perfect. The way they look, speak, smile and the newness of it all is so sweet. Then over time the power of the beginning attraction begins to fade like the sun setting on the blush of a rose. First there are those disappointments, he forgets your birthday, she
“Only connect,” wrote E. M. Forster in Howards End,“and human love will be seen at its height.” Love depends on a couple’s ability to forge and then maintain the precious bond between them. We want to look more closely at ways of creating connection, preserving it through challenging times, and healing breaks when they occur.