“Everywhere You Go There You Are” Jon Kabat-Zinn In my last blog about “My Own Worst Enemy,” I spoke about self-attack and the lack of compassion, understanding, respect, and empathy. I described a patient of mine who believed that he was behind where he should be in life and therefore, he will never be able
When I work with couples the central problem lies in the way they treat one another and their inability to communicate or listen to each other. The lack of respect, the harsh words, and the hurtful things they say and do to one another destroy the love and connection that initially brought them together. It starts with what our parents taught us or what they failed to teach us. If we grew up in a home that was neglectful, violent, hateful, racist, or exclusive, it’s more than likely we will become a person who reflects those qualities. And if there were no other viable alternatives to that wounding environment in our young lives, we would naturally develop a deeply negative inner life. We identify with what we experience. If our experience lacks heart, so will we.
This idea of trying to fix ourselves with something on the outside like our face, body, and or what other people see, simply can’t be done. Violence toward the self can take many forms such as alcohol abuse, intravenous drugs, tattooing, plastic surgery, cutting, risky behavior, antagonism toward the self, and violence toward others. The act of rejecting your inner self in favor of physical attraction, trappings of wealth, or numbing ourselves is, in the end, an exercise in futility.
My patient and I were talking about the latest revelations of sexual misconduct in the news and she described an incident that she explained was not unusual. She was stopped at a light and absentmindedly looked over at the car next to her. A man looked back. What ensued was a chase right out of
Do you have trouble completing tasks on time? Are you afraid to try new things because you are afraid to fail at them? Are you self critical and a perfectionist? Do you use the word should and what if a lot? If you answered “yes” to these questions then you need to read further. We