We fade in on a couple sitting quietly at Sunday morning breakfast. Suddenly, a seemingly innocuous comment swiftly shifts the peaceful mood into prodigious conflict. She: Could you be more careful when you take out the trash? Yesterday you left a total mess. He: (stung) Well, excuse me. I didn’t know I was getting the
Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out, “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t
Is there such a thing as constructive criticism? Not really? Criticism seems more like a punch in the stomach than a helpful hint. Complaints are a different animal altogether. The major difference between a criticism and a complaint is that criticism is a personal attack and a complaint is about who we are. Criticism creates
A Beatles song captures the imagination of youthful love in the verse, “When she crossed that room, my heart went boom and I fell in love with her.” When we are hit with that thunderbolt, we become teenagers again as a tsunami of chemicals amass the feelings of love at first sight. At this point,
“The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.” – Carolyn Heilbrun For most of us, the word intimate conjures up romantic images of candlelit dinners, slow dancing, and long passionate kisses. Romantic gestures are certainly a dominant theme of intimacy,
With so many marriages going up in flames many people are turned off by the whole idea of it. How can it last for a lifetime? What makes some marriages last and yet others fall apart at the seams? Many of the marriages that do last are nothing to write home about, so why do
Jose came to my office in shreds. He was totally devastated. He so wanted to love but struggled mightily to be loving. He sought out relationships but was continually embroiled in tempestuous dramas about what he perceived to be slights, betrayals and downright screw ups. He had to let them know, it was his righteous
Ben was nervous as he drove to Sarah’s apartment for their first date. Had he taken care of everything? He made reservations at the nicest restaurant, showered, put on his favorite outfit and was arriving just a few minutes late to give her a bit more time. Sarah was rushing inside her apartment which was
Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t
If you can hold in mind your love for each other and keep that before you at times of great difficulty and in all situations… If you can make being right less important than being connected, and instead work toward harmony and grace… If you can keep your head while everything in you screams for