Relationships | Brentwood Psychotherapist Dr. Bill Cloke

How Valentine's Day Can Ruin-Your Relationship

February 5, 2019

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Couples, Dating, Love, Relationships
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How Valentine’s Day Can Ruin Your Relationship

Candlelit dinners. Champagne. Diamonds. Roses. Imported Chocolates.

NOTE TO MEN: If you haven’t planned or purchased something from this list, you’re likely going to have a horrible night this Feb. 14th (and one without any lovemaking). Why? Blame it on romantic fantasy. It starts long before our first Valentine’s purchase or our first kiss. We’ve heard “happily-ever-after” fairy tales since kindergarten. We’ve grown up viewing “diamonds-are-forever” commercials.

As adults, we experience the commercialization of Valentine’s Day as a day of great expectations, and just as often, great disappointments when our beloved’s gift-giving (or lack thereof) doesn’t support our romantic dreams.

The difference between transformation and change is that change can come and go but transformation is permanent.

January 3, 2019

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
identity, Personal Transformation, Relationships, Self
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Transformation vs. Change

September 15, 2018

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Couples, Marriage, Relationships
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The Truth About Monogamy

Imagine the scene: a newly married couple floating down the aisle all decked out in wedding attire, gushing with love and happiness as they glide effortlessly toward what appears to be a brilliant future. Her dress is gorgeous, and he is quite dashing in his tux. They appear to be (on this day) the perfect

July 15, 2018

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Men, Psychology, Relationships, Women
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Why Do Men Cheat?

Biology explains why men stray, but reason and affection hold the keys to happy, monogamous marriages between women and men. It is necessary to the happiness of men that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing or disbelieving it consists in professing to believing what he does not believe.” Thomas

April 23, 2018

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Anger, Conflict Resolution, Couples, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Women
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How Conflict Can Create Love

We fade in on a couple sitting quietly at Sunday morning breakfast. Suddenly, a seemingly innocuous comment swiftly shifts the peaceful mood into prodigious conflict. She: Could you be more careful when you take out the trash? Yesterday you left a total mess. He: (stung) Well, excuse me. I didn’t know I was getting the

Fighting With Your Partner? Here Are Some Tips To Diffuse The Situation

February 11, 2018

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Conflict Resolution, Couples, Marriage, Relationships
1 Comment

Fighting With Your Partner? Here Are Some Tips To Diffuse The Situation

Jack and Harriet were fighting for days when they first came to my office. They walked in separately and sat as far away from each other as they possibly could. What was wrong? Harriet blurted out, “He just won’t listen, all he cares about is being right.” To which Jack fired back, “If you weren’t

July 16, 2017

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Anger, Conflict Resolution, Couples, Marriage, Relationships, Stress
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Is Criticism Ever Constructive?

Is there such a thing as constructive criticism? Not really? Criticism seems more like a punch in the stomach than a helpful hint. Complaints are a different animal altogether. The major difference between a criticism and a complaint is that criticism is a personal attack and a complaint is about who we are. Criticism creates

June 2, 2017

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Couples, Dating, Love, Marriage, Relationships
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Love at First Sight

A Beatles song captures the imagination of youthful love in the verse, “When she crossed that room, my heart went boom and I fell in love with her.” When we are hit with that thunderbolt, we become teenagers again as a tsunami of chemicals amass the feelings of love at first sight. At this point,

April 27, 2017

By: Dr. Bill Cloke
Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Women
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How Love Is Made

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” —Anaïs Nin The way a relationship begins is often a far cry from what it’s like

February 26, 2017

By: William Cloke
Couples, Love, Marriage, Relationships
4 Comments

The Importance of Intimacy in a Relationship

“The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.” – Carolyn Heilbrun For most of us, the word intimate conjures up romantic images of candlelit dinners, slow dancing, and long passionate kisses. Romantic gestures are certainly a dominant theme of intimacy,

Relationships | Brentwood Psychotherapist Dr. Bill Cloke - Part 3